


All That We Could Be

by ArowanaPrincess



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Multi, No Smut, but tbh you shouldn't be on AO3 if you aren't spoiled/played already, spoilers for the game
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-03 20:10:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13348632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArowanaPrincess/pseuds/ArowanaPrincess
Summary: They thought it was over. Apparently, it wasn’t.In which the Investigation Team has a few choice members face their Shadows over their denying their feelings, once more.Alternatively titled: My Shadow is Also My Wingman Apparently





	All That We Could Be

**Author's Note:**

> The peeps who face their Shadows again will occasionally have spasms/seizure-like symptoms. Just warning.
> 
> I use Narukami Yu because it's more familiar to me. I know Souji is pretty much canon for AO3, but I prefer the anime's name.
> 
> Have fun reading!

It happened at 8:59 am on January 11.

Naoto was working in the library. She was diligently studying English when a random thought came to mind- she should invite Kanji since he was having trouble with the same lesson. It seemed like a good idea. After all, things seemed to have become a tad awkward around him recently. It would have been best to rectify their friendship quickly-

And that’s when she felt it. The sudden flashing feeling in her whole body- not quite hurting but it was a phantom-like pain sort of sensation. It was as if someone had used an instant KO spell on her. And then, as abruptly as it had appeared, it stopped, leaving behind a hollow feeling throughout her body. And unlike the first sensation, it didn’t leave her.

The experience left Naoto in confusion. She looked left and right to check if anyone was staring at her since she might’ve let an unnatural reaction through, but everyone else seemed to be caught up in their own problems. That left out any reason to believe that someone else might have caused it through whatever supernatural means there were.

She furrowed her eyebrows. Other than the hollow feeling within her body, which was weird but wasn’t actively affecting her, nothing else seemed to be wrong with her. She tested her hands and feet, confirming that they could move without any pain. She absentmindedly placed her hand over her heart, wondering if it had been a heart problem.

Yes, that seemed to be the problem. Perhaps she had gotten a stroke. Although, the symptoms didn’t match up perfectly, but everyone had a different experience when it comes to medical problems, right?

So she packed up her things and made her way to the clinic.

* * *

 

A medical slip excusing Naoto from her current class and a prescription later, Naoto was still confused. She was unfortunately unable to describe the hollow sensation well, so there may have been lacking information on the side of the nurse. The nurse just said to watch out for the usual signs, and to come back in case there were any other reactions.

She went back to class, since nothing appeared to be wrong otherwise.

But the hollow sensation wouldn’t leave her. 

* * *

 

On the way to their usual meet-up place at Junes, they all walked together. Rise was a little busy making her moves on Yu, Yosuke and Teddie were arguing about their workload in Junes, and Chie and Yukiko were mildly chatting to themselves. As for Naoto? She wasn’t talking at first, but after a while, she noticed Kanji slowly making his way to her side.

“Yes, Kanji?” she acknowledged him, making him freeze for a second. “You may converse with me, if you wish. After all, everyone else is doing the same.” She gestured towards the rest of the group.

Kanji hunched his shoulders. “Uh, sure.” He used one hand to scratch his head. “… Thanks.”

Naoto tipped her hat. “It’s no problem.”

Kanji gave an uneasy smile. “So…” he tried to start up the conversation. “Want to talk about anythin’?”

The hollow feeling in her seemed to pulse at the very thought. “I do, but I’m not sure how to phrase the problem.”

“Problem?” Kanji tilted his head quizzically. “Is somethin’ the matter?”

Naoto nodded.

“Huh. You okay with telling me?”

Naoto hummed. “Well, I see no problem in informing you. After all, you are a… dear friend of mine.” As she said that, the hollow feeling suddenly throbbed within her. She clutched her chest at the sudden sensation.

“Woah!” Kanji held out his arms (Naoto assumed that the gesture had been done to catch her) before changing his mind and pulling them back just as quickly. He stared at Naoto, for a moment, sizing her up. “You okay? You want to stop for a bit?”

“No,” Naoto said brusquely, continuing to walk and follow the rest of the group as Kanji followed her reluctantly. “I think I’m fine,” she replied, albeit setting her face into a grim expression. “Don’t worry about me. I appear to have discovered a new… symptom for my current condition.”

“Condition?” Kanji’s face scrunched up, showing an expression that revealed he was confused, which was a face of his that Naoto was particularly fond of. “Whatcha talking about? You sick or somethin’?”

“Perhaps?” She mulled over it for a second. “I’m not certain that I’m sick, but it’s the closest approximation to however I am feeling at the moment.”

Kanji frowned. “You should rest then. Senpai said that we’re headin’ into the TV world for another fetch quest, so maybe you could stay on the sidelines for this one.”

Naoto shook her head. “As the last member of our team to join, I need to train the most. In the event that we need to fight in the future, which may be necessary despite the fact we caught the killer, I need to be ready.”

Kanji scratched his head. “Yeah, but, you could take a break every now and then.”

“I did. We didn’t venture into the TV world yesterday. That was enough of a rest.”

Kanji rolled his eyes. “I think I know why you’re sick. You’re just overworkin’ yourself.”

Naoto snorted. “If that were true, I’d have felt like this since I started solving cases. But no, it’s a unique… sensation that I have never felt before.”

“Huh?” Once again, Kanji’s confused face showed again. “Why? How’re you feelin’?”

Naoto paused for a moment, looking for a way to phrase it properly. “Like… I had lost something inside of me.”

Kanji blinked twice. “What?”

Naoto shook her head, as she felt a bit of color dusting her cheeks. “Never mind. It’s… rather difficult to describe.”

“No, no! I want to know. Please tell me.”

Naoto was surprised. This had been the freest flowing conversation that she had been having with Kanji for quite a while. But… she did want to allow her friendship with Kanji to grow.

So she decided to tell him. “Well,” the syllable rolled on her tongue. “It started this morning. I had a sudden… spasm, I suppose, similar to what had happened just now. Afterwards, I felt… hollow.”

“Hollow?”

“I suppose the most accurate way I could describe the sensation is that I feel hollow. As I repeat from earlier, it was as if something had left me.”

“Huh.” Kanji mused for a bit. “Maybe now that you say it like that, it doesn’t sound like you’re sick, or at least sick in the way I know how. It doesn’t sound like any bug I know anyway.”

Naoto nodded. “That’s exactly what I meant. Perhaps it is a lesser known heart condition. It sounds similar to certain heart conditions that I am aware of, so that is my current hypothesis.”

“Hypothesis?”

“It’s another word for scientific guess.”

“Ah. Sorry I don’t know all these fancy terms you use, Mister Smarty-pants.”

Naoto gave the most easy-going smile she could. “It’s alright, Kanji. You’re smart in your own way.”

Kanji’s cheeks turned a familiar shade of red. “Er, you don’t have to flatter me, yanno.”

“It’s not flattery. That would imply that the compliment is false or a hyperbole. I did mean what I said. You have intelligent insight when it comes to certain matters, such as emotions. Admittedly, that is something that I have yet to improve on, although I am slowly bettering my own insight.”

Kanji snorted. “You are getting better. I bet if you faced your Shadow right now, you wouldn’t even fight it anymore.”

Naoto chuckled. “I appreciate the sentiment.”

* * *

 

Soon enough, they were in front of the TV in the Junes department store. One by one, they all entered inside.

Naoto entered last, and as soon as she entered inside, the hollow feeling suddenly throbbed again. When the phantom pain left, she knew something was _wrong_.

But she couldn’t tell just what, however.

She noticed Teddie glancing at her, with a questioning look on his face, but he turned around and Naoto dismissed the event as Teddie being weird.

“So, partner,” Yosuke sidled up beside Yu. “Where are we headed today?”

“Void Quest,” he answered, leading everyone else to breathe a sigh of relief. No one liked revisiting their old dungeons. Even Naoto, who had the least embarrassing dungeon in the team, wasn’t fond of the idea of going back. The place held bad memories for her.

“Wait a minute.” Rise frowned. “I’m getting some weird signals.”

“Hm?” Yu turned to face Rise, a confused face decorating his normally blank features. “What’s the matter?”

“Let me summon my Persona first, cuz I need a better radar for this.” Rise summoned Himiko and as soon as she started sensing the area, she frowned again. “That’s really strange. Naoto, do you feel anything?”

Naoto was caught off-guard. She wasn’t able to mention her current condition to the team earlier, so she wasn’t expecting to talk about it so soon. “Actually, something had happened earlier and I suppose I do feel rather strange.”

“Huh?” Chie looked at Naoto with both confused and curious eyes. “What happened?”

“Nothing really _happened_ , per se, but I was just studying earlier when I had a spasm. It didn’t hurt or cause me pain, but afterwards I felt rather strange.”

Yukiko’s interest seemed to have been piqued. “Oh? Do you have any heart conditions? Does it run in the family.”

Naoto shook her head. “Not as far as I am aware of. My family is normally rather healthy.”

Rise creased her eyebrows. “What do you mean by ‘strange’?”

“I feel hollow,” Naoto clarified. “I’m not certain how I can further describe the feeling, but hollow is the most accurate I can say.”

Rise pursed her lips. “That kind of feeling would make sense.”

“Hm?” Naoto found the comment rather vague. “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean it makes sense because I’m not sensing anything from you right now.”

Wait…

What?

“Rise.” Naoto was trying to keep her voice even. “I’m sorry to repeat the question, but, what, exactly, do you mean by that?”

“I mean I’m not getting any readings from you right now. Other than maybe your usual human signature, you’re not emitting anything. Like, I know you wouldn’t understand the feeling since Teddie and I are the only ones doing the sensing, but you’re not emitting the same energies as the rest of the group.”

“Actually,” Teddie piped up, “I detected the same thing from Naoto with my trusty nose. I thought it was just acting weird, but after hearing Rise-chan say the same thing, I have to agree with her. It’s as if you’re a regular human being right now.”

Naoto’s mind was constantly whirling. Whether it was working on a math problem or trying to figure out the newest mystery abound, she could say that her mind simply didn’t stop functioning. In fact, she had difficult insomnia due to this very fact.

But now? If Naoto were a robot, she would be having a 404 error in that moment.

“That’s…” She tried to speak. “That’s impossible. That can’t be true. I- I have a Persona! I can call him out and everything!”

“Can you?” Teddie questioned her, a worried expression crossing his features.

“Of course!” In order to prove him wrong, she posed to call out her Persona. But as she did, no card came out. Sukuna-Hikona wasn’t appearing.

For about two seconds, it felt like time stood still. In that moment, Naoto had a realization dawning on her slowly, then all at once: the reason why Naoto had felt hollow? It had been because her Persona had left her.

* * *

 

Needless to say, the group freaked out badly.

Yosuke was screaming exaggerated exclamations of swearing. Chie was following Yosuke’s reaction with a generic shriek. Yukiko gasped, covering her mouth with her hands. Rise and Teddie had grim looks on their faces, as if they were saddened by the fact their suspicions were correct. Yu was the calmest, but the look of shock on his face betrayed his normally stoic expression.

Naoto couldn’t bear to look at Kanji. She didn’t want to know his reaction.

 “Oh no oh no oh no oh no!” Yosuke repeated over and over again. “This is bad! Is this supposed to happen? What if we all lose our Personas? I don’t want to lose Jiraiya!”

“Calm down, Yosuke!” Chie yelled at him, despite the fact she was reacting just as badly.

Rise looked at Naoto with sad eyes. “Naoto,” she spoke gently, unlike the usual Rise, “I’m really sorry for your loss.”

“Hey!” Kanji suddenly shouted, making Naoto and Rise flinch. “It’s not like Sukuna-Hikona is dead or anything! It might’ve, like, disappeared for the time being.

“Kanji-kun’s right!” Teddie suddenly grinned at all of them. “I’m bear-y sure that Sukuna-Hikona is just taking a well-needed vacation.”

“I… don’t think it’s like that, Teddie,” Yosuke disagreed.

“But I think Kanji and Teddie are right,” Chie said, placing a finger on her lips. “There might be a chance you could get Sukuna-Hikona back. Maybe you just temporarily lost him due to something that happened?”

“We should figure it out,” Rise murmured.

“Naoto,” Yukiko asked her, seemingly as calm as Yu in that moment. “You said that you had a spasm earlier.”

Naoto nodded her head awkwardly.

“Afterwards, you said you felt strange after the spasm? And the feeling never stopped?” Yukiko continued.

Naoto nodded again. She couldn’t answer with her voice. It seemed like her body was shutting down from the shock.

Yukiko hummed. “Do you think that the spasm, the odd feeling, and your Persona disappearing are all connected?”

Naoto paused, unable to face the idea that yes, her Persona was absolutely gone, but she nodded all the same. She agreed with Yukiko there.

“What were you doing when the spasm happened?” Chie asked.

“I-” Naoto tried to speak, her voice cracking. “I was studying.” _And thinking of Kanji_ , she absentmindedly thought, but she dismissed it as nonsense.

“Huh.” Yukiko mused over what Naoto said. “That’s not very helpful.”

“Maybe it happens randomly?” Yosuke offered. “I don’t think studying causes the loss of a Persona, otherwise my partner here wouldn’t have a single Persona left.”

“Er, guys?” Rise waved her hand at them.

“What, Rise?”

“Uh, Naoto’s lack of a Persona isn’t the only strange thing I’m detecting. I’m sensing familiar frequencies coming from one of the dungeons.”

“Familiar?” Yukiko tilted her head in confusion. “Like, it feels like Naoto’s Persona?”

“Er,” Rise hesitated. “Not… exactly.”

“Then what does it feel like?” Yosuke asked.

Rise seemed reluctant to talk. “It feels… like a Shadow.”

“Huh?” Kanji scratched his head. “There are tons of Shadows here. What are you talking about?”

“That’s not what I mean,” Rise tried to clarify. “What I mean is, I’m detecting Naoto’s Shadow.”

That’s when Naoto finally found her voice again.

“Wait,” Naoto interjected, latching onto Rise. “What do you mean, you’re detecting _my Shadow_?”

Rise winced. “Well, that’s exactly what I’m sensing. It feels like your Shadow is here again.”

“But it’s gone” Naoto’s voice was rising, as she shook Rise for emphasis. “You guys defeated it, I accepted it, and it turned into Sukuna-Hikona. It’s supposed to be gone.”

Rise stepped away from Naoto and held up her hands. “Yes, I know, Naoto, we were all there for that, but it’s here! Don’t ask me why, because I have no clue why it’s back.”

Yosuke whistled. “Geez, Naoto, what did you deny so hard that your own Shadow came back?”

“I’m not denying anything!”

“Really? No secrets like you’re secretly a girl or anything?”

Naoto clutched onto her cap, squeezing it tightly. “I’m not hiding anything, I swear! I can’t even think of a reason why that stupid manchild is back to ruin my life again!”

“Woah, woah, Naoto, we get it,” Chie tried to reassure the panicking Naoto in front of them. “It’s just… there’s got to be a reason why your Shadow would suddenly appear again.”

Naoto rolled her eyes. “Yes, of course it wouldn’t reappear without proper motive, except I have no clue just what inner self I’m supposedly rejecting! What, am I not feminine enough or anything? Is that it?” Naoto faced the direction of her dungeon and screamed, “Take me on, you senseless imbecile!”

Suddenly, someone grabbed her hand. Naoto turned to face whoever had taken her hand, and she turned to face Kanji, making her freeze.

He gripped her hand tightly. “Naoto,” he spoke seriously. “All your shoutin’ will just attract monsters. Instead of making a racket, we _will_ travel to your dungeon, we _will_ defeat your Shadow again, you _will_ accept your Shadow again, and you definitely _will_ get Sukuna-Hikona back. Okay?”

Naoto was surprised by Kanji’s speech. But then she gave him a grateful smile and whispered, “Thank you.”

Kanji turned a particularly pleasant shade of pink. “No problem,” he muttered.

“Anyway,” Yosuke loudly said, drawing their attention towards him. “All Shadows don’t start the fight. They just do some talking about whatever their secret self is. If you accept the self without the Shadow transforming, then maybe we don’t need to fight them at all.”

“That’s true,” Yukiko agreed. “You could just talk to them, learn whatever it is you’re secretly denying, and then accept it.”

They sounded so optimistic that Naoto couldn’t help but reply, “That’s true. I certainly hope that’s the case for me.”

“Alright!” Kanji threw his fist in the air. “Let’s head to Naoto’s dungeon!”

 “Er…”

Kanji looked at Rise weirdly. “What, you don’t want to help Naoto get Sukuna-Hikona back?”

Rise winced. “It’s not that. It’s just… Naoto’s Shadow isn’t in her dungeon.”

“Huh? Then where is it?”

“Judging from my bear nose,” Teddie chirped, “it’s from your dungeon!”

“Wh- what?!” Kanji and Naoto both stuttered.

“Wait,” Chie cut in. “You mean Kanji’s dungeon? The bathhouse?”

“Yep! The bear-y one!”

Kanji and Yosuke swore loudly.

Yu sighed, speaking for the first time throughout the madness. “So much for a simple fetch quest.” 

* * *

 

On the way to Kanji’s dungeon, Naoto had a lot of time to think for herself.

Unfortunately, without a Persona, it meant that everyone on the team other than herself was doing the fighting. Naoto had to stay in the middle in order to avoid Shadows. It frustrated her greatly, as she was now almost entirely useless to the team.

Was that it? Was she secretly feeling useless? Except… she thought she already knew that. Although, she had known that she was a girl too, but she had been denying that part of her. Was she denying the fact that she hated feeling useless? Not really though.

She kept trying to think of ways that she had been rejecting herself. Secretly wanting to be a girly girl had been one potential hypothesis, but she didn’t like that one. On one hand it had been freeing to express herself as a woman to the public, but on the other hand, she didn’t feel any need to become a girly girl. Sure, Rise occasionally tried to get Naoto to be more feminine, but Naoto hated it. She hated the idea of being forced to meet someone’s expectations again. So for that particular hypothesis, it seemed like a no.

She had extreme difficulty in choosing a potential hypothesis to stick on, because all of them seemed unlikely and none were really solid. Each one was just as likely as the other, leading her to no particular place in mind.

Naoto groaned. Nothing was making any sense.

Suddenly, a worried Kanji appeared by her side. “Uh, you okay?”                                                         

Naoto shook her head. “No matter what I do, I can’t think of any particular issue that I have been denying myself.”

“Hey, you don’t really need to think about it. Just wait until we get to the dungeon and confront your Shadow, and you’ll find out then.”

“I know, but I can’t stand not knowing the answer to a problem. Not to mention, how can I accept it if I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be accepting?” As she said this, a spasm went through her and she clutched her chest. Kanji reached out to help her but Naoto pushed his hands away, steadying herself on her own.

Kanji scratched his head. “Well, I guess you’re right about that. But I’m sure it’s gonna be okay. I told you earlier, remember? If you faced your Shadow again, you’ll be able to accept it this time.”

Naoto smiled. “I remember.”

Kanji turned a cute shade of pink again. “Anyway, I should go back to fighting. Someone needs to help out since one of our strong members can’t fight.”

Naoto chuckled. “Go ahead, Kanji.”

As Kanji turned back to rejoin the group, Naoto looked at him until he joined the fray again.

* * *

 

When they finally made their way to Kanji’s dungeon, Naoto wanted to hide herself and never come out.

Apparently, when a Shadow reappears, they decorate whatever dungeon they reappear in.

Naoto’s Shadow had plastered the walls of the entire place with posters. Each poster was the same, a glued on picture of Naoto in outfits that Naoto was entirely sure she had never been seen in before (thankfully most were gender neutral however) and scribbled on writing that looked like what was her handwriting when she was in her early teens.

However, it was what was written in the poster that embarrassed Naoto the most. The posters all said the same thing:

MISSING

Shirogane Naoto

If found, please report to Tatsumi Kanji

Reward: 10,000 kisses

To reiterate the first statement, Naoto was disappearing and never coming back after this.

“So…” Yu broke the awkward silence. “Is that ten thousand kisses from Naoto or Kanji?”

“Don’t you dare, senpai,” Naoto threatened him.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t sell my body out!” Kanji yelled. Then after a second’s pause, he added. “Although, uh, I’d do anything to save her if Naoto really did go missing. Just, uh, preferably beating up monsters.”

“I appreciate the thought,” Naoto said dryly.

“Why is Naoto-kun’s Shadow in Kanji-kun’s dungeon anyway?” Teddie wondered out loud.

“I wish I knew,” Naoto muttered, before a spasm overtook her. The phantom pain had been borderline real pain this time.

Kanji reached out to help her, but Naoto had once again pushed him away. She gulped. Looking down on the ground, where there were thankfully almost no posters, Naoto started marching in. “Let’s hurry up and get this over with.”

* * *

 

 

While the others were busy fighting, Naoto was left to think about whole situation again.

She had been hoping that her shadow being in Kanji’s dungeon was a coincidence, but after the posters, it was more likely that it wasn’t pure chance. At least it narrowed down the theories by quite a lot.

But the fact that she was rejecting a part of her related to Kanji? It was preposterous, to say the least. After all, what could she possibly be denying? After all, they were rather comfortable together and while they were sometimes awkward, it didn’t mean a good friendship couldn’t blossom from that-

And as she said that, the spasm happened again. She winced, as the tremors had switched from phantom pain to real pain. It seemed as if they had been getting stronger as they got closer to the Shadow. Hopefully, they will disappear once they actually find the Shadow, because Naoto didn’t know if she could stand having randomized spasms at their most painful while attempting to deal with her stupid Shadow at the same time.

Naoto couldn’t even figure out the cause of the spasms. It wasn’t as if she was denying something each time they occurred-

Another spasm. Naoto gritted her teeth as she clutched her chest forcefully. But as she did, the realization hit her: she got a spasm every time she seemed to be denying something, apparently.

Hm. Could she test this out?

 _I am a man_ , she thought.

Nothing happened.

Naoto’s eye twitched in irritation. It was either her deduction was wrong, or the spasms needed genuine denial. It might be the second, but she couldn’t test it out without finding out just what she was denying.

She stared at the others. They were lucky. They weren’t dealing with a lack of a Persona. They weren’t dealing with their Shadow for a second time. They weren’t dealing with semi-randomized tremors.

Naoto started looking at Kanji. He seemed so focused on defeating the monsters in the area. To be fair, this dungeon must have been aggravating for him. He must have been focusing on the monsters instead of focusing on the fact that they were inside his dungeon again.

One particular monster was directed at Naoto, but before she could bring out her gun, Kanji punched the monster away.

Naoto couldn’t help but smile at him. That was nice of him. Actually, Kanji was rather nice, in all honesty. He was a very good friend-

Suddenly, Naoto was consumed by an unfortunately familiar ache of pain.

Wait…

Thinking Kanji was a good friend meant that Naoto got a spasm?

That didn’t make sense, in all honesty. After all, it was the truth. Kanji was a good friend-

And once again, another tremor burst throughout her body.

Naoto’s mouth gaped. She was in denial over… thinking Kanji was a good friend?

That was stupid.

That was _really_ stupid.

Seriously? She lost her Persona, had to face her Shadow again, and got painful spasms, due to the fact that she thought Kanji was a good friend?

It didn’t make any sense! What, was she in denial that Kanji was a good person?

Hm, no sudden pain. That meant she wasn’t in denial that Kanji was a good person. She was relieved, in a sort of way. After all, she didn’t want to lose one of her good friends all because she had hints that Kanji was not the best person?

Well, sure, he was rough around the edges, and he didn’t have the best temper, but he tried hard to be a good person at the end of everything. The lack of pain meant that she was definitely right about that. And his generosity and kindness was rather admirable, honestly. Not to mention his refreshing honesty when it came to dealing with things. He had a tendency to say everything he thought out loud. Naoto found that habit of his rather charming. And-

Naoto shook her head. What was she thinking? Oh dear. It was a good thing no one had been there to hear her say any of that. The way she thought about it, goodness, it was as if she were his girlfriend, and they were only friends, so it was best she leave it alone then-

Then what she could accurately describe as the most painful spasm yet had consumed her.

She groaned. Just why were the spasms affecting her in that moment? She was just thinking things about just being friends with Kanji and how she weren’t his girlfriend and how she-

Oh.

 _Ohhh_.

Ohhh _no_.

No no no no no no no no no no!

There’s- there’s no way-

But as she thought each no, another spasm overtook her, each one just as painful as the one moments before. It left her with a painful and dull ache in her body, with her groaning in pain.

Just-

No-

It couldn’t-

But each time she tried to think, another spasm hurt her.

So Naoto was forced to clear her mind, to stop thinking for a moment, and breathe. She was wracked in pain and she didn’t know what to do, what to even _think_ , and-

Why was Kanji-kun coming over here?

“Hey?” Kanji looked incredibly worried, a rare look on his face. “Er, you okay?”

“Spasms,” she managed to say between huffs and breaths. “They get painful as I get nearer my Shadow.” _Also they happen when I’m in denial and I may have found the reason why I’m like this and there’s no way I am going to tell you._

“Oh. That sucks.” Kanji thought for a moment. “Can you walk?”

Naoto nodded weakly, and she tried to walk and show him that she was perfectly fine. Of course, this meant she fell down on her third step. Kanji caught her, and Naoto had no energy to push him away.

“Okay, so you can’t walk.” Kanji sounded a lot more worried than earlier, with his voice getting an octave higher than usual on some parts. “That’s okay. Well, it’s not, obviously, but what I mean that it’s fine if you’re too weak to walk. I can carry you.”

“What?! No!” Naoto squirmed in Kanji’s arms. “I can try to walk on my own.”

“You just tried. You obviously can’t.”

Naoto’s mouth was set into a hard line. “Well, I can ask from help from someone else if needed.”

“Naoto, I’m the biggest and the strongest. I make the most sense to carry you.” Kanji looked away from her. “Do you… do you just not want me here?”

“No!” She cried out, a little more forcefully than intended. She ended up surprising Kanji, who looked at her with wide eyes. “I… I just don’t want to burden you.”

Kanji’s head tilted back, a welcoming smile spreading on his face. “Naoto,” he spoke gently, “You’d never be a burden to me.”

Naoto couldn’t look Kanji in the eye, but a warm sensation seemed to fill her chest. “Th-thank you,” she stammered.

Kanji grinned. “Now, how’d you want me to carry you?”

“Er, I’m not too sure. I suppose I’ll be fine any way you want to carry me. Although, are you sure I can’t walk on my own?”

Kanji gave her a stern look. “Not on my watch. Although, if you really don’t wanna be carried, you could just hold onto me while you walk.”

“That seems to be a good compromise.”

Kanji let go of her. Naoto, on unstable feet, grasped onto on Kanji’s arm and started walking with him together. Naoto could feel her cheeks flushing.

And as she walked, without a spasm affecting her, she realized that she seemed to have accepted it.

It was like the answer to any other case; it was a fact and she was going to have to live with it.

Naoto smiled a little. That was good. She was becoming more mature. Now she could go find her Shadow and go accept that she had a-

And that’s when she realized her next problem: how was she going to confront her Shadow with Kanji-kun around?

* * *

 Accepting it had been one thing. Realizing that she had to confront her Shadow with the entire team, including Kanji, watching was a completely different thing.

The rest of the trip with Kanji had been incredibly awkward. Kanji tried to make conversation, but after Naoto’s incredibly short answers, he took the hint and stopped talking. Naoto was scared how she was going to tell him the truth.

They were finally one doorway away from the Shadow. Rise confirmed it with a quick scan from her Persona.

“So…” Chie tried to act cheerful, but almost all of them were tired from traversing the dungeon. “Naoto, you ready?”

 _No_ , Naoto inwardly thought to herself. Now that she had found out just what her secret was, she wasn’t exactly keen on sharing it with the team.

Well, to be perfectly logical, sharing the secret shouldn’t hurt. Everyone was fairly open-minded and even Naoto had to agree that other than the occasional teasing, there were absolutely no drawbacks to sharing the secret. Even telling Kanji-kun didn’t have any real drawbacks. While she certainly knew that there was a good chance that Kanji-kun would reject her (which she didn’t think was a real negative, since she wouldn’t want a relationship with someone who wouldn’t reciprocate), he wasn’t the type to ruin a friendship over something as silly as that.

Right?

And yet…

She was still scared.

It was then she realized she spaced out and her friends were now looking at her.

“Er, Naoto?” Chie tried again. “Do you need some time to yourself because you’re taking your Shadow on again?”

Naoto shook her head. “I want this over, and soon,” she admitted truthfully.

“Then come on inside then!”

They all paused. Naoto turned to face the door, and she saw herself.

Well, not quite herself. The copy was Shadow Naoto after all.

It was bizarre, because instead of the childlike crybaby wearing an oversized lab coat, it was biker Naoto. With the oversized leather jacket and the skull on the shirt, and while she had kept the hat, the hat had an edgy blue and black bones pattern.

Shadow Naoto was literally copying Kanji’s style.

Real Naoto wanted to crawl off the face of the earth and never come back.

“Well?” Shadow Naoto cheerfully asked them, tilting her head quizzically. “What are you waiting for? Come on inside! I prepared gifts for everyone!”

She then hopped inside the room with a skip in her step.

Everyone turned to face Naoto, a bewildered expression on their faces.

“Please stop looking at me,” she moaned, covering her face with her hands. This was worse than them finding out that she was secretly crossdressing for basically her entire life.

She peeked through the spaces between her fingers. No one had made a single move.

She groaned, hands dropping to her sides. Pointedly looking down on the floor, she marched right into the boss room.

Apparently, the posters weren’t the only thing Shadow Naoto had put up; the main bath hall had a giant circular table in the center of it, with several pillows strewn around the table to act as seats.

“Come in, come in!” Shadow Naoto cheerily greeted the entering guests, despite the weird and creepy legion voice she had. She gestured towards the giant table. “Please sit down wherever you’d like.”

“No thanks,” Naoto replied. She knew better than to sit in an obvious trap set by the enemy.

Suddenly, Shadow Naoto stopped moving. Her face crumpled. “You’re not going to sit down?”

Naoto grimaced. Never mind how different they look; the two Shadow Naotos were both incredibly immature. What, did she have some issues with maturity or something?

“Look,” Naoto tried to defuse the situation. “You and I both know that we’re here to fight each other before I eventually accept you. I’d rather not… stay in the seat prepared by the enemy.

Shadow Naoto’s face crumpled further. “You don’t trust me?”

That’s when Naoto noticed someone sitting on the pillow. “Yosuke!” She scolded him.

He shrugged his shoulders. “Look, if you wanna get it over with faster, you might as well do what she says.”

“And if it’s a trap?”

“Well, then we’ll deal with it, like we always do.”

Naoto sighed, before making her way to a random seat and plopping herself down. The rest of the team, albeit nervously, followed suit. The pillow and the table itself didn’t seem like a trap. They seemed like realistic pillows and tables, although Naoto knew better than to judge a book by its cover.

“Yay!” Shadow Naoto walked behind Naoto and hugged her from behind. “You’re one step closing to accepting me!”

Naoto was unnerved, to say the least. She moved around to face the Shadow. “I thought you were my enemy?”

Shadow Naoto let out a tsk sound. “Geez, you’re so stuck-up. Haven’t you learned from the past me that we are here to _help_ you? It’s not our fault that all of you keep rejecting us.”

“Last time, you were more… negative, however.”

“Of course I was negative! You were rejecting the negative parts of yourself before. However, now you’re more of rejecting the embarrassing side of yourself this time.”

“So you’re going to be embarrassing this time?” Naoto muttered.

“Precisely!” Shadow Naoto chirped.

Naoto groaned.

Shadow Naoto patted Naoto’s shoulder. “Oh, don’t worry about it. Just do your thing, accept me, get Sukuna-Hikona back, and you’re done! Well, you could also reject me, have another boss fight, and make things harder for your friends. It’s your choice.”

Naoto eyed her Shadow suspiciously. “So can I just say ‘I accept you’ and finish this?”

Shadow Naoto narrowed her eyes, the luminescent yellow of her irises glinting with mischief. “Oh, you and I both know that it’s not that simple. In fact, I know that you know what needs to be done.”

Naoto clenched her teeth. That meant that any hopes of getting out the easy way were quickly dashed. “I’m not sure what you mean,” she tried to deter.

Shadow Naoto started clucking in disapproval. “Oh, don’t try to hide it. With all the obvious signs, I thought you’d have figured it out sooner. I can’t believe it took several violent spasms for you to believe it.”

“Naoto,” Rise said tensely, “You said the spasms were painless.”

“They were,” Naoto tried to reassure her friends. “They… started becoming more painful when I got nearer my Shadow.”

“Well, my presence does strengthen the effect,” Shadow Naoto mused. “Although, you don’t seem to be having tremors in my presence. Does that mean you’ve fully accepted it?”

“If I said yes, will you go away?”

Shadow Naoto smirked impishly. “Face it. You should just do it and it will be over.”

“What if I don’t want to?”

Shadow Naoto shrugged nonchalantly. “Then I’ll do it for you. I did the revealing for you once; I’ll do it again if I need to. The question is: do you really want me to do that?”

Naoto had to admit that if she confessed, it would definitely be better than her Shadow doing it for her. It’s just- the thought of confessing made her freeze.

“No,” Naoto tentatively answered. “However, wouldn’t it be more prudent if I confessed on my own terms? After all, since I only figured it out just now, it would be best if I had more to… process the information and evaluate whether it’s true or not.”

Shadow Naoto rolled her eyes. “Oh please. You had, what, four months to think about it and yet, it took my initiative for you to do anything about it. Wait, I take that back. You _still_ haven’t done anything about it because you’re being purposefully vague. You’re hoping that your friends won’t take the hint, even though it’s as obvious as the sun during the day.”

“What can I do to make you shut up already?”

“Simple: just confess and get it done over with. I think almost all your friends know anyway, so that should make it easier.”

Was she that obvious? Naoto hoped not.

Shadow Naoto pointed at her. “See, you’re still trying to back out of it. I can hear your thoughts, you know. But no matter how you avoid the issue, you must admit: the problem is there and you must fix it. It’s in your nature to find answers to every problem, isn’t it?”

“I won’t deny that,” Naoto said carefully, her voice lingering on each syllable. “However, I am not sure how to proceed.”

“I keep saying ‘just do it,’ you imbecile. Just go and say it. You’re the one that’s pretending difficult to do. Look, you’re doing so badly that you’ve made Kanji cry.”

“ _What?_ ” Naoto whirled around to face Kanji, and true enough, there were tears streaming down his face.

“Kanji! What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Naoto was panicking.

Kanji flinched. “You should just say it and get it over with,” he said derisively.

“What? I don’t follow?”

Kanji sniffed, but he glared at Naoto, who winced at the sight. “Cut the act. I know what you’re talking about.”

“What?” Naoto hated her repeated ‘whats,’ but it was the only thing she could think. “You- you know?”

“Of course I do!” His voice was angry, but it had a certain tone to it, as if he was trying not to be angry. “It’s obvious. I’ve been wonderin’ why we’re meeting your Shadow in my dungeon and everything, but now I see what your true feelings were.”

“R- really?”

“It’s obvious! I mean with the sometimes awkward times we’re together, I guess it’d make sense. I just thought that since the rest of the time we’re okay, but apparently not.”

Oh gosh, she didn’t expect Kanji to react like this. She expected a rejection, sure, but not anger. “I-” She was stuttering, oh gosh she was so nervous. “I’m sorry-”

“Don’t say sorry! I mean, it’s not your fault you hate me.”

“ _What?_ ”

“Don’t try to deny it! I know you hate me. I should’ve known.” Kanji’s voice broke off, a distant look in his eyes. “It’s just- I guess it makes sense. I’m just some stupid punk that can knit and you’re the Detective Prince. It would make sense-”

Naoto slapped her hands on the table and stood up. “ _Kanji!_ ”

Kanji winced as Naoto shouted at him. She realized that shouting wasn’t the best decision for her to make, yes, but it seemed like the only way to get his attention.

“Kanji,” she repeated, softly this time. “There is absolutely no way I could hate you.”

Kanji snorted. “Yeah, right. And Yosuke-senpai isn’t secretly in love with Yu-senpai.”

Ignoring Yosuke’s flabbergasted blabbering, Naoto continued. “No, it’s true. I don’t hate you. Look.” She gestured towards herself first. “I’m not getting a spasm right now.”

“So? Aren’t those random?”

Naoto shook her head. “They aren’t. They happen every time I deny something. And I’m not denying anything right now.”

Kanji hesitated. “… Is that true?”

“Yes. What reason would I have to lie? Not to mention,” she said as she gestured towards her Shadow, “I don’t think my Shadow would be wearing similar attire to yours if I truly hated you.”

“That’s true,” Shadow Naoto cheerfully agreed.

“Oh. Uh, okay…” Kanji scratched his head, tilting it in confusion. “But… why is your Shadow in my dungeon?”

Oh no. Here we go.

Naoto gulped. “It’s… difficult for me to say but… I believe I have developed some affection for you recently.”

“Recently?” Shadow Naoto mocked her, ignoring Kanji’s growing reaction. “More like three months ago.”

Naoto winced. “Well, I discovered it recently. Close enough.”

Kanji blinked twice. “Wait… Are you serious?”

Naoto breathed out heavily. “Well,” she said, her voice foolishly higher than normal. “You don’t have to take it seriously. You don’t have to believe it if you don’t want to. In fact, we can go on the rest of our lives pretending it doesn’t exist, which is honestly very much fine with me-”

“Naoto?”

Naoto flinched as Kanji interrupted her. “Er, I suppose I was rambling, wasn’t I? You can ignore that too. In fact, pay no attention to the rest of me; that’d be great after today.”

“Naoto,” he repeated, sounding a lot more decisive than before. “Don’t act like that.”

“Then how am I supposed to act when it comes to a rejection?”

“I didn’t reject you.”

“Huh?” Naoto stared at Kanji for a moment before shaking her head. “Kanji, it was a rejection.”

“But it wasn’t. I didn’t reject you,” he repeated, his voice in a serious tone.

Naoto stared at him. “Then…” she said cautiously, “what was it?”

Kanji stood up. He walked over to her, making Naoto flinch a little when he stopped in front of her. “I guess,” he spoke softly, his face turning redder than he had ever been before. “It’s whatever the opposite of a rejection is.”

Naoto could hear her heartbeat thumping.

Then the rest of the team cheered for her.

Naoto was too embarrassed to properly take in the attention, not even noticing the differences between her teammates’ voices in that moment. Right now, all she could think of was what Kanji said, and of her Shadow.

Naoto turned to face her Shadow. Shadow Naoto was smiling genuinely.

“Are you happy now?” Naoto asked her Shadow.

Shadow Naoto nodded excitedly, grinning even harder.

“Thank you.” She said almost grudgingly, despite the smile on her face. “I suppose… I am you, and you are me?”

Shadow Naoto nodded once, as light began to envelope her. She started dissolving, and within the particles of light, Naoto could see Sukuna-Hikona looking down on her. She could’ve sworn the Persona was smiling at her too, before it disappeared in a brighter flash, with him leaving behind a tarot card, exactly like before.

And the hollow feeling inside of her went away. She could feel Sukuna-Hikona buzzing quietly in her mind, same as before.

Finally.

Naoto sighed in relief, a bit of fatigue creeping up on her. She turned back to the rest of the group, most of them bothering Kanji about earlier.

“I can’t believe you actually thought Naoto hated you,” Rise said in disbelief. “I mean, you guys have been having crushes on each other for the longest time!”

“Hey!” Kanji seemed to be in a perpetual state of blushing for the meantime. “I mean, I guess I knew I had feelings like that for a while now, but that doesn’t mean I knew how she felt about me. It wasn’t exactly obvious.”

“What are you talking about?” Yosuke rolled his eyes. “You were literally the only person other than my partner to get close to her! Since my partner rejects every girl who’s asked him, it was obvious that if she’d develop feelings, she’d fall for you.”

“I agree with Yosuke!” Teddie exclaimed! “My lovey-dovey senses could feel that if there were any hint of attraction from her, it’d be for you!

Naoto blushed, while Kanji threatened Teddie for the nth time.

“That was weird though,” Yukiko noted. “I didn’t think Shadows could come back just because you had   crush on someone.”

Yu shrugged. “Maybe we’ll figure out the reason in the future.”

“Come on!” Chie raised her fist in the air. “Let’s get out of here and eat some food! I’m starved after all that battling.”

“We didn’t even have a boss battle,” Yosuke dryly commented.

“Doesn’t matter. Let’s celebrate Naoto getting her Persona back, and defeating her Shadow without a fight!”

Naoto smiled. It was nice to have friends like these.

And with Kanji-kun not quite being just a friend anymore? Well, she could live with it.

She certainly could.


End file.
